Would You
by lacramiora
Summary: AU He always hated the arguments they had but they didn't always end quite like this. Companion fic to Moments. SasuNaru


_Would you care?_

_Would you care if I was gone?_

_Would you care if I never came back?_

Arguments like this one always ended badly. At first they were shouting matches: each insult meant to further agitate. Then the shouting would turn into physical fighting. A hand would turn into a fist and it would fly into a face. This would go on until one of them gave in and that often took far too long for either combatants liking. Neither of them ever wanted to give up. Giving up meant momentarily letting go of their pride. Both of them were very prideful men. When one of them finally gave in it wasn't voluntarily. Unconsciousness was the only way for their fighting to stop when the arguments escalated to this point. One of them would be left on the living room floor while the other would lock themselves away in their shared bedroom until morning.

The arguments didn't happen often. They had gone through too much together to be constantly fighting. They knew how far they could push before they entered unsafe territory. However, on occasion, their frustrations boiled over and turned into actual aggression that couldn't be absolved by simply talking it over. Unfortunately these arguments always left doubt and that seed grew with each altercation. Was this relationship meant to last? Could it withstand the tumultuous forces brewing within it? Maybe they had hoped for perfection too soon and had rushed in too quickly. The arguments didn't happen often but they were violent enough to cause so much damage. Sometimes the damage seemed irreversible and the bandage put on the wounds would always reopen when the storm rolled in again.

Blue eyes opened to stare up at the white ceiling above, a slow, soft sigh passing bruised lips. Tonight, he had been left to lay unconscious on the floor. Tonight he was the loser of their rare but violent battles. He didn't move from his position on the hard wooden floor, wanting to lose himself in the consuming whiteness of the ceiling. Eventually he would have to pick himself up and face the reality of the situation but right now he was content with staying where he was. There were so many pictures on the white ceiling as layers of paint tried to show through despite having been covered by new coats. Was it the same with him? Had he just been trying to cover up cracks and immeasurable faults with new coats of paint? The scars would always show through no matter how much he tried to hide them with smiles and changes. Inside, he was the same person he had always been. He was volatile, reckless, loud and obnoxious. He was too kind, too caring, and too gullible. Maybe he was even a little disillusioned. What the two of them had wasn't perfect but it worked most of the time. He didn't understand why 'most of the time' couldn't turn into 'all the time'.

The blonde sighed again and shut his azure orbs. Slowly, he picked himself up off the floor and his body reminded him of all the bruises he would see when morning came around. He stood in the middle of the living room, looking around to see if there was any damage done to his surroundings. It was how it usually looked: neat and organized. Despite all the times that they fought, they never seemed to injure anything but themselves. He supposed that was a good thing because it meant neither of them was making weapons out of the items in their reach. Perhaps he would have used something in the room if he hadn't been completely blinded by rage. Of course, had he not been completely blinded they wouldn't have fought in the first place. The blonde man ran a hand through his messy hair and his fingers tugged lightly against the strands. He couldn't even remember what had started the argument in the first place. He was sure it had been something he said. It was always something he said. Uchiha Sasuke didn't start these arguments. He always felt his emotions too strongly and had to express them in the same explosive way. The blonde wasn't even sure if Sasuke even felt anything half the time. Maybe that was why he did this. He wanted a reaction; he wanted something more than just the quiet conversation. He wanted more than a glance or a nod of acknowledgement. He wanted to know that he was as important to Sasuke as Sasuke was to him.

Was it wrong to push him to violence? Uzumaki Naruto snorted to himself as he padded into the kitchen. The man just pissed him off so much. How else was he supposed to react when couldn't tell whether or not his _boyfriend_ really meant it when he said _"Aishteru"_? Maybe he was wrong to doubt the other man's sincerity. Perhaps he was just doing this because he was stressed from their continuously hard days at work. They hadn't had a good day in so long Naruto had almost forgotten what it felt like to feel relaxed. Even now he was tense, muscles coiled tight as he pulled out a glass from inside the cabinet by the sink. Blue eyes glanced towards the closed door of their bedroom and he wondered for a moment whether or not the man was sleeping. Did he stay up during the night worrying about the same things Naruto did, or did he not care? The grip on the glass he held tightened and he took in a deep breath to calm himself.

_Would you miss me if I disappeared?_

One day these arguments wouldn't be so far apart. One day they would come closer together. They had already started to. Instead of once in a span of a few months they had been happening once every month. Naruto was tired of trying to figure out the Uchiha's feelings. He was tired of the distance. At one time the blonde could read Sasuke easily, now it was like trying to find emotion in the walls of their apartment. Perhaps they were growing apart and they simply didn't want to accept it. Could it be that they no longer connected the way they once did? Naruto never heard any complaint or discontent from Sasuke. That didn't mean anything though. He rarely heard anything from the man anymore. Maybe he had missed something. Could it be possible that he had been blinded by his own selfish desires and completely missed any signs that there was something troubling the older man? Naruto turned on the tap and filled his glass with cold water. He was usually very observant when it came to other people. He was usually very aware of when something was wrong. When it came to Sasuke he could always pick up the signs. However, the brunet had been more withdrawn than usual and Naruto had simply taken that as a sign of stress. It wasn't easy being a police officer and the constant stress was bound to pile up at some point.

His earlier irritation forgotten, Naruto glanced over at the door of their shared room again. Worry had wiggled its way into his thoughts now. He took a sip of water from his glass. This cycle wasn't an unfamiliar one. It was the same route his thoughts always took after an argument. This time, however, the doubt mixed with the worry. Maybe there was nothing wrong and he was just making up excuses for Sasuke's behavior. Maybe the only way to find out his true feelings was to leave once and for all. Maybe then Sasuke would realize just how much he needed Naruto. He set the glass against the counter and turned around to lean against it. The clock hanging on the wall above him stated that it was 3 am. He would be having another sleepless night and again he wondered if Sasuke was up as well. That thought urged him forward and before he knew what he was doing he had ended up at the door of their bedroom. He lifted a fist to knock on the door, hesitating for a moment. If Sasuke was sleeping then he would be upset that he had disturbed him. That wouldn't resolve anything. He dropped his hand, turning away from the closed door feeling like an idiot. What did he need to apologize for anyway? It was Sasuke's fault for being so…damn closed off.

Huffing softly to himself, he paced for several moments in front of the door before turning back to it. Without thinking about it, he just wrapped his knuckles against the door. He was surprised when the door opened almost immediately. Wide azure eyes met narrowed obsidian ones. His expression quickly morphed into a serious one, mirroring the annoyed look on his lovers face. It appeared that the man in front of him hadn't slept at all either. Neither of them spoke, allowing the tense silence to linger as they stared at each other. Neither was willing to back down. Eventually though, it was Sasuke who finally looked away, his lips turned down in a frown.

"I'm sorry." The words were forced out in a soft grumble. Naruto blinked in surprise. Wasn't he the one supposed to say that?

"Uh, yeah, me too." Naruto rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Whatever he had been expecting when he knocked on the bedroom door hadn't been this. He had been expecting a 'go away' or a similar statement from beyond the closed the door. He hadn't been expecting to see a slightly disheveled brunet. The left side of the man's face was already coloring with a dark bruise. Naruto bit his lip feeling guilty. Sasuke moved out of the way to allow the blonde man inside. Still a little stunned, the man entered and the brunet closed the door behind them.

Naruto almost wanted to ask 'who are you and what have you done to Sasuke?' but decided the situation didn't call for his ill-timed humor. It wasn't time for him to be cracking any stupid jokes. He turned around, away from the king sized bed and back to the man still standing at the door. Sasuke looked almost uncomfortable with his eyes averted. His shoulders were slightly slumped, and his face wasn't even turned towards Naruto. The blonde wanted to ask '_what's wrong?'_ but he waited, hoping that he would just tell him and not drag out the silence. It made the blonde feel as though he had to fill it and yet he knew this wasn't the time for that. He needed to be patient. Maybe if he had been patient before there wouldn't be a nasty looking bruise forming on his boyfriend's face.

"I haven't been entirely honest with you, Naruto." Finally, after several tense moments, Sasuke spoke up. His voice was quiet, too soft. "I didn't think it was important for you to know."

"Know what?" Naruto frowned, confused. He had thought they had gotten past this. He had thought they had finally divulged all their secrets. After the night with Zabuza, Sasuke had little by little told Naruto about everything. He had told him about the death of his parents by a man still very much at large. He had told him about how he struggled with his brother's mental illness. He had told him about living alone during high school. Naruto had thought they had gotten through all of this. He was sure of it.

"Itachi. He committed suicide a few months ago."

He hadn't been expecting that. Naruto wasn't sure what to say. He knew the two of them hadn't had much of a connection past Sasuke's childhood. What had the brunet been thinking about all this time? The blonde man was suddenly filled with a deep sense of guilt. This entire time he had been thinking it was because Sasuke didn't care about him anymore. He had even entertained the idea that the brunet was possibly cheating on him. What other conclusion could he come to when the man disappeared for hours at a time on their few days off? At one time those days had been reserved for the two of them alone relaxing on the couch in the living room watching television.

_Would you disappear too?_

Sasuke turned his face to fully face the blonde. Naruto didn't like what he saw when he looked into the man's eyes. For a moment, he regretted knocking on that door. Obsidian eyes were too sharp, too wide, and too intense. There was something haunted in his eyes that Naruto didn't like. It was almost dangerous. It reminded him of the deranged look in some of the many criminals they had stopped from committing murder. It reminded him of the look on Zabuza's face when he had murdered his parents. It scared Naruto and it took all his will power to keep a nervous grin from spreading over his face. For a moment he wondered if he would have to shoot him. He felt his hands trembling at his side, fear crawling up his spine_. __**What had he been thinking about these past months?**_ The blonde closed his hands into tight fists. There was nothing to be afraid of. This was _**Sasuke**_; he wouldn't do anything—would he?

As he stared at the brunet standing awkwardly at the door, the doubt grew but he didn't move. He wanted Sasuke to speak and tell him that his doubts were wrong. He didn't want to have these feelings at all. He didn't want to think about him in that sense. He didn't want to have to believe that perhaps the man would snap.

"I'm…I'm sorry, Sasuke." The blonde man finally forced the inadequate words passed his lips. He couldn't think of anything else to say. The brunet simply nodded, understanding exactly what Naruto was trying to convey. A soft, almost creepy laugh escaped the Uchiha at that moment.

"Should I do it too?"

"W-what?" Naruto stuttered out, stunned. Again, he hadn't been expecting that. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting but it hadn't been that. The blonde didn't know how to deal with this situation. All of his training as a police officer hadn't helped him deal with something like this. He knew what to do when someone was trying to rob a bank or when someone was fleeing the scene of a crime. He knew that he wasn't supposed to use excessive force; he wasn't supposed to slam his baton across someone's head. As a cop, he was supposed to uphold law and keep the peace. This wasn't part of his job description.

"Should I kill myself?" The response came slow and even as though he was talking to a child who didn't quite understand language yet.

The blonde's breath caught in his throat. To hide the panic and the doubt, indignant anger surged in its place. "How could you even…." His fists were shaking again, but this time not from fear. "Why would you even ask me that?"

Sasuke appeared to consider the question for a brief moment. "It doesn't matter anyway." A soft chuckle escaped the man's lips. "It was only a matter of time."

Naruto wasn't sure what exactly the brunet meant. He wasn't sure if he was talking about his brother's suicide or if there was something else the man wasn't telling him. The blonde man stayed still, feeling as though if he even breathed the wrong way the tension in the room was going to explode. Sasuke finally straightened up fully, his gaze locked on Naruto.

"You got your chance Naruto and now I'll never get mine."

"What are you talking about?" Confusion was evident in his voice.

"You know what's kept me going all these years?" The brunet paused, staring expectantly at his partner. When Naruto said nothing, the man continued. "Revenge."

At those words, Naruto understood exactly what he meant. He also understood the reason behind those words _"It was only a matter of time"_. Naruto hadn't wanted to take revenge for his parent's death. He hadn't been looking for that; it had presented itself. He was ashamed of his reactions in that situation but he had put that behind him. Sasuke couldn't do that as easily as Naruto. He had the tendency to hold onto things. One such thing was the death of his parents by the criminal Orochimaru. If he understood Sasuke correctly…the man was dead. Sasuke would never be able to put a bullet into the snake's head. As this realization came to Naruto, blue eyes picked up on hand movement from the man in front of him. He was immediately in action. Sasuke was too surprised to evade from being pinned to the floor. The gun he had been pulling out skidded across the hard wood and lay several feet away. Blue eyes stared straight into a pair of obsidian orbs. Naruto held the man down but Sasuke wasn't struggling.

"Let me go, Naruto."

"Why? So you can give up?"

"I'm not giving up!" Sasuke shouted, but he didn't move otherwise. His eyes were narrowed dangerously at the blonde pinning him. Naruto didn't budge.

"Really? Could have fooled me."

"I just…I just want to be with my family again!"

Naruto glared, anger surging through him like fire. "You don't think I would want that too? Do I mean that little to you?"

Sasuke stiffened beneath him. He looked away, averting his gaze. Still, his expression was defiant. Naruto still wouldn't move.

"What else do I have, Naruto? I've wasted my entire life chasing this man and now he's dead." The previous sense that the man was losing his mind dissipated slowly. He just sounded defeated now, utterly destroyed.

"You have me." Came the simple reply, blue eyes wide and hopeful.

"You'll leave me one day too."

Naruto frowned a little, shaking his head. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

"Anything can happen."

The blonde rolled his eyes almost childishly and a slight smile spread across his face. "Well I promise I'm not going anywhere. Unless something absolutely insane and out of my control happens then you're stuck with me." Then more seriously, softer he spoke again. "…Don't leave me alone."

Dark eyes shut for a moment before looking back up into azure ones. "I won't."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Several moments passed in silence until finally Naruto slowly removed himself off of Sasuke. The brunet slowly sat up as well, shoulders dropping forward. The blonde stood, making his way to the gun on the floor and picking it up. He felt the weight of the firearm, knowing full well that it was actually loaded. He swallowed back the lump that formed in his throat before turning around and locking the gun away in his drawer. He glanced over at Sasuke who said nothing despite the displeased look on his face. He was just scared and wanted to wait till morning with the hope that maybe this would all fade with day light. Sasuke stood from his place on the floor, the displeased expression gone from his face. An unreadable one replaced it as he stared at Naruto for a moment before saying, "Let's get some sleep…" It was almost as if nothing had happened. Not sure how to react, but wanting to hold onto the sense of normalcy that Sasuke was trying to create, Naruto stepped forward away from the gun in the drawer and to their bed. Before falling asleep that night, Naruto wondered how long Sasuke would keep his promise.

_Would you care if you left me alone?_

_Would you care about me at all?_


End file.
